The ABC of what we try to avoid

I am of course talking about Aggression, Bullying and Conflict.  We hear these words all the time, on TV, in the street and at work.  These are 3 words that the majority of us want to avoid like the plague and will do most things to keep clear of the connotations and aftermath they create.

I would like to take each one in turn this week and look at the meanings behind the words and perhaps some suggestions of how we can deal with them. I’m no expert of course, but over time you learn how to deal with perhaps more “difficult” conversations; sometimes it works and others you go away, hide under a stone and then learn from it.

Aggression - Def: Feelings of anger or antipathy resulting in hostile or violent behaviour; readiness to attack or confront.

“He was aggressive towards me, my life felt threatened” is a very serious statement and needs to be acted on without hesitation. We also know that there are people who have aggressive tendencies. As they choose this behaviour as they think it is the right way to get the results they are looking for. I’m sure you would have seen this, perhaps someone complaining at a customer service desk? Which is why many organisations place up warning notices protecting their employees from such behaviour.  However it may seem like it works and that the person who is aggressive will “win” in reality they don’t but we have to feel confident in dealing with that type of situation. The best way is to be assertive, stick to the bottom line and keeping calm*!

Bullying - Def: “A person who uses strength or influence to harm or intimidate those who are weaker.”

The classic answer here is those who are “weaker” a bully never takes on someone of similar standing or deemed more “powerful” and sadly it does happen quite a lot. This is the one we need to be watchful around others and not to be frightened to speak up, either if it is happening to you or you see it happening to others. We all have the right to be treated with respect and understanding as an adult or as a child.

Conflict - Def: “A serious disagreement or argument, typically a protracted one.Immediately so many people use this word when someone has said a few harsh things, perhaps because they are under pressure, perhaps because they feel backed into a corner, but the true meaning is above, so something over a longer period of time and serious by nature. The Middle East is in conflict not Jo Bloggs because her PA has missed the post.  That is a possible performance issue and should be dealt with very differently.

So that is my blog for this week, longer than usual but I hope interesting look at the behaviours that do not serve us well as people. For more information on confidence or assertiveness support then please contact me.

Richard